Man. What an emotional roller coaster ride today.

Felt like some crap today la. well firstly, in the morning, went for morning jog with Vantage, and whilst going down the gallery steps, i slipped and fell and scraped my knee. Like oww okay.


Then i had a good heart to heart talk with kaela and the 6 rounds just seemed to whizz by. Erin got a stress ball for her birthday, from Annabel, which was extremely useful for me throughout the rest of the day. (which isn't good, by the way ):


So after our History period, which was quite great, we had geog. Ack. Ting xie during Chinese was pretty okay. Poor Lao shi. Then we had PE. which was pretty okay, played basketball. Mm, I ran with Nicole Lau, had a nice heart to heart talk with her too. Then went for recess. After that, Science is confusion confusion.


And we finished the Rosa Parks story during English.
"Rosa Parks sat, so that Martin Luther King could stand. Martin Luther King stood so that Obama could run. And Obama is running so that we can fly."

Dance was pretty good. Super tired out. Hamzah was late and strict today, which was good, because Vantage, WE'VE improved! (: Orshum. Yeah super tired thou. Keep at it (:


-

I've let you down, I've let myself down, I've let God down. Lord you've been so good to me, you take me as I am, all my mistakes, all my sin, all my fears and failings. You heard me God, you hear me. Lead me down the path of righteousness.


You've just given me a trial Lord, and God, help me make things right, now. I need to learn to love like you've loved me, its only fair i inflict on others what you did on me. God, take away all my guilt, all my strife. God let me rejoice in your name, you've revealed James 1:2-7.

2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 6But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

Father Father! you've shown me endless mercies, oh sovereign. Why God? Why? I don't deserve you. I am not any more worthy than the next man. I am not worthy of your shed blood. I am not worthy of your Son. I am not worthy of your forgiveness. Yet Lord, your patience and love for me grows more and more each day.


Love unfailing, God, why? All the more you love me and teach me, the less i understand. Father, I only have this heart of gratitude to offer you, only one thing that's not a measure of what You gave for us. And i can't even do that right. You commanded us to do your will, you wanted us to love our neighbours, yet i have failed you God. But still You accept me all in all, God you are good. You are beyond all measure.


And every single time i compare myself to the Almighty, it just makes me a lesser man. I am nothing compared to Him, and the oblivious. The oblivious. The guilt. all in all. Why am i caught in all this again? Either path i choose, i'm going to be in the wrong, Never abandon a friend, or your father's friend.


Which voice do i listen to? There isn't even a conscience. Its getting the better of me, its getting the better of me. Why can't you see, we're driving ourselves apart. Where is this going, where now. Why is it so hard to understand. Why do I find it so difficult to put my foot down for what's right? Why is it so hard to choose. Why do i feel so alone? Why Why Why! its foggy now, and i'm sounding double minded and contradictry. But what is God showing me now?


I'm always trying to clean up the messes made, and it just gets worse. I'm portrayed the bad guy, but who really hears me out? I need help I need help. God save me, save me. God save me.
So who are my true friends now? Why am I acting like the person I don't want to be known as? Why am I being illustrated as the villian? Why can't anybody just see the light and come help me out? I'm not going to abandon anyone. God taught us that the world is evil and vile, You've proved yourself right, God, so now please. Please. Give me strength to overcome.



And as we're born again, we will make new friends, and new enemies as well. What do I know? But I'm not complaining, because I know that one way or another this will straighten out. Eventually. Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord. I will rejoice, because no way ever am I giving back anything i've received.



Nice going Cait, nice going.

God keep me going strong.

2 Feb 09, 22:20
Mel: OI, NEVER BLOG ABOUT ME. I'm Jealousssss

(You can go blog about me first)


2 Feb 09, 22:15
Kaela: I cant stop reading it over and over again, thanks for the dedication, (ill copy and paste it onto mine.) Thanks for everything too, sry for being so ~!!@#$ sometimes. Lurbzx Chewx.

(We ~!!@#$ ALOT. Wish i could just erase all those stupid stupid naivety and crap.)



2 Feb 09, 22:13
cjwei: yup the ottos ppl were good

(To the Core, Amen)


2 Feb 09, 22:03
Kaela: Aww why suddenly blog about me? Love you babe, 4eva! Hee.

Happy Birthday Gwen & Erin.



Now i think i shall go seek comfort in my Bible and a good box of tissues


And just so you know, it was all i could think about all night, it was the one thing that held me back from having a good day, what was going through my mind the whole time was "I'm sorry i failed you, I'm sorry i let this happen, traitor, traitor, that's what i am. How could you?"

So don't say I didn't give a dang.

Because I gave more.



ON THE LIGHTER NOTE!(:

Quote of the day :

Nico Teo : "My gardener's assistant keep on asking my maid for her number! Trying to flirt with her or something lah!"


CRACK UP LAUGHING NOW I DEMAND YOU.


STOP FAFFING AROUND YOU GUYS(: haha I luv Mrs Cheah. I'm just going to quote from Kaela's blog.


"we had History with Mrs Annabel Cheah! Few minutes later, Meldee appeared and this is what happened.

Meldee: Um, may I see Anabel please?
Mrs Cheah: Oh, me?!
(everyone bursts out into laughter)
Meldee: Haha, no, Annabel er, Tan.
(Annabel Tan walks forward)
Meldee: Eh nono, Anabel Ng. Ng.
(Both Annabel and Anabel didnt hear what she said so Annabel continued walking to Meldee and Anabel continued doing idk what, something stupid i bet. Hee.)
Meldee: No, Anabel Ng!
Anabel: OHH.
Annabel: Next time, get the surnames right!
Mrs Cheah: Yeah get the surnames right!

HAHAHA, omg i seriously love our class and teachers. (: Talked about leaving Singapore for other countries and i got damn high when Cass said she wanted to go Japan
Me: YA, GO JAPAN! GO JAPAN!!!
Mrs Cheah: Oh, okay. Kaela! Why do you want to live in Japan?
Natalie: Cos there are hot guys there.
(class bursts out laughing)
Me: :O
Mrs Cheah: Kaela, you think the men there are HOT?
Me: Nonononono, er cos ___________ (blah blah, anyhow crap)"


'Me' being Kaela.


Erin and i were like SIGH! We can't believe that 3 people in our class want to migrate to Japan/Korea for the men who are barely even their age, and without a proper career in mind. HAHAH. We were laughing our heads off.


Omg I want to go see Timothy off on Friday! He's going to melbourne alreadyyyyy ): I need to know Johnny Woosh! ): Eh Timmmm. Must come back i tell you. If not i will cut off your "grass" supply.


be brave be strong.

Labels: Emotional meltdown